100 reasons I’m glad I’m a guy: Reason #15 – Movies

Rocky, Black Hawk Down, Animal House, The Outlaw Josey Wales… Compare those cinema classics with snooze inducers such as The English Patient, The Notebook, A Walk to Remember, and any movie with Julia Roberts. The difference is obvious… guy movies inspire and entertain; chick flicks demoralize and bore.

I’ve seen The Outlaw Josie Wales at least 25 times and I get fired up every time Clint Eastwood snarls, “dyin’ ain’t much of a livin’, boy.” Likewise, when someone I know is confronted with a big problem, I remember the sage counsel of John Belushi in Animal House: “my advice to you is to start drinking heavily.”

Everything I hate about chick flicks is pretty much summed up in the move Pretty Woman. There are three good reasons why I hate Pretty Woman. One, the story is patently unbelievable. The premise of the movie – handsome wealthy dude hires a prostitute for social functions then falls in love – is ludicrous. Rich guys, especially those that look like Richard Gere, have their choice of like 1,000 beautiful women, most of whom are not working prostitutes. Then there’s the dialogue.  Edward: “So what happens after he climbs up and rescues her?” Vivian: “She rescues him right back.”  Sheesh.  That line may elicit weeping from women, but it lacks the raw emotion of a classic Rocky quote like, “You’re gonna eat lightnin’ and you’re gonna crap thunder!” That’s good writing!

The third reason? I just can’t stand Julia Roberts.

The most important criteria for guy movie greatness is, when it’s over, you want to be the dude in the movie. Me? I want to be Otter from Animal House. Does any woman really want to be Thelma or Louise? What did they accomplish? I’ll tell ya – they wrecked a really cool car.

Guys enjoy movies that are exciting, action-packed, thrilling and exciting (yes, I wrote “exciting” twice). Guys want to see fighting, monsters, gunfire and car crashes. Women like to see dancing, high fashion and men crying. I will admit there are some so-called chick flicks that I enjoy. A League of Their Own and Mean Girls come to mind. I like A League of Their Own because it’s based on a true story about women playing professional baseball. I like Mean Girls because Julia Roberts isn’t in it.