It’s my birthday. Yay.

On the occasion of my 60th birthday, some random thoughts:

Math is different at 60.  When I was 30, 60 = 80.  Now 60 = 40 except when I look in the mirror, then 60 = 60, sometimes 70 on a bad day.

The AARP has finimagesally stopped bothering me.  When I turned 50 they pursued me like paparazzi after a Kardashian.  I never responded.  Now it’s like I’m 49 all over again!  If you ignore aging, it will go away.

Coffee is life.

I like my kids better these days.  When I was 40 they bothered the liver out of me!  The fact that they were children at the time was a contributing factor, I guess.  When I was 50 they had matured to the point where they were merely annoying.  Now they seem pretty cool.  I think I finally got through to them.

Yes, I realize that I am older than the states of Alaska and Hawaii.

I still daydream that I am a famous rock star except that now, in the documentary movie about my life, most of my bandmates are dead.  These days I only perform at gigantic stadium shows for worthy causes and the occasional Rock-and-Roll Hall of Fame induction.  I am mildly bothered by the adoration of millions of fans but tolerate it graciously as the price of fame.  I also own a mansion on a trout river.  I’m a pretty detailed daydreamer.

My wife is aging at a slower rate than I am.  This proves the theory of relativity – if you are relatively happy and nice all the time you have less stress and will live longer.  I should be dead by 62.

These days I consider the obituary page and the sports page equally interesting.

Gravity is a growing menace.  My legs seem heavier, I run slower and I can jump only two inches off the ground.  Furthermore, the Earth’s gravitation force is apparently getting stronger because it is increasingly hard to get up after falling or kneeling.

God gives you grandchildren to create the illusion of youth.  Poopy diapers and screaming tantrums take me back to my 30s!

I thought life would be easier at 60.  It’s still confusing and stressful.  I’m not a millionaire yet and I’m still not famous.  Guess I’m a late bloomer.

You can take money from your IRA without penalty when you reach 59-and-a-half.  Why 59-and-a-half and not 60?  Because the government is in charge.

I spend way more time reading the Bible these days.  There are three reasons: (1) I am wiser and understand that ultimate truth is found only in Scripture, (2) I’m striving for greater holiness, and (3) I remember my 20s and I’m searching for loopholes.

Never look at yourself in one of those lighted, magnifying mirrors when you reach 60… makes your face looks like the surface of the moon.

I don’t like funerals as much as I used to.  I get the sense that the director is sizing me up.

“Remember also your Creator in the days of your youth, before the evil days come and the years draw near of which you will say, “I have no pleasure in them;”  Ecclesiastes 12:1